Friday, December 21, 2007

the sweet relish conspiracy

Okay, maybe I'm a little crazy, but I think there's a conspiracy out there to rid the world of dill relish. And this, of course, worries me.

I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "Gee Matt, lay off the caffiene already," but I'm serious. Every time I go to the store for another jar, it seems that the dill relish shelf space keeps getting smaller and smaller, while sweet relish seems to be expanding.

The other day, I was in our local small-town grocery store, and counted five different brands of sweet relish, as compared to one brand of dill relish. Oh sure, they threw in one label of hot dog relish, but using that is just plain being lazy.

I'm a dill relish guy. Always have been, always will be. There's nothing like a Zweigle's White Hot, hot of the grill, with spicy mustard, sauerkraut, a little swiss cheese, and big dallop of dill relish. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. Now how can sweet relish even THINK about entering that equation?!? That's just not right.

Then there's cheeseburgers, tartar sauce, and the occasional turkey sub (with provolone, lettuce and tomato....good groceries!). I'd even throw a little in some tuna salad, but I'd have to eat that by myself. Potato salad? Sure, it's worth a try.

Okay, I'll admit, I have a jar of the sweet stuff in my fridge, but it's only for when company comes around... Honest, I never touch the stuff.... really!

Is it a cultural thing? A Western NY thing? Or does the conspiracy reach the entire Northeast?!? Are the cucumber people in cahoots with the high fructose corn syrup people or are they just on the outs with dill farmers?

Where, oh where to find the answers...

UPDATE: For the record, I am COMPLETELY absolving the Freemasons of any involvment whatsoever in this conspiracy... they get blamed for way too many things as it is.

1 comment:

matriarchal sister (in-law) said...

Sweet pickles, sweet pickle relish===YUCK!!!!
Give me dill anyday. And what's with the other pickled foods? Pickles are made with cucumbers and dill, end of discussion.