Friday, December 21, 2007

the sweet relish conspiracy

Okay, maybe I'm a little crazy, but I think there's a conspiracy out there to rid the world of dill relish. And this, of course, worries me.

I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "Gee Matt, lay off the caffiene already," but I'm serious. Every time I go to the store for another jar, it seems that the dill relish shelf space keeps getting smaller and smaller, while sweet relish seems to be expanding.

The other day, I was in our local small-town grocery store, and counted five different brands of sweet relish, as compared to one brand of dill relish. Oh sure, they threw in one label of hot dog relish, but using that is just plain being lazy.

I'm a dill relish guy. Always have been, always will be. There's nothing like a Zweigle's White Hot, hot of the grill, with spicy mustard, sauerkraut, a little swiss cheese, and big dallop of dill relish. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. Now how can sweet relish even THINK about entering that equation?!? That's just not right.

Then there's cheeseburgers, tartar sauce, and the occasional turkey sub (with provolone, lettuce and tomato....good groceries!). I'd even throw a little in some tuna salad, but I'd have to eat that by myself. Potato salad? Sure, it's worth a try.

Okay, I'll admit, I have a jar of the sweet stuff in my fridge, but it's only for when company comes around... Honest, I never touch the stuff.... really!

Is it a cultural thing? A Western NY thing? Or does the conspiracy reach the entire Northeast?!? Are the cucumber people in cahoots with the high fructose corn syrup people or are they just on the outs with dill farmers?

Where, oh where to find the answers...

UPDATE: For the record, I am COMPLETELY absolving the Freemasons of any involvment whatsoever in this conspiracy... they get blamed for way too many things as it is.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

it's snowing... EVERYBODY PANIC!!!

Yup, it's a "major storm" here for us. The weather guys were all talking about 12-24" of snow falling in a 24-hour period. So far, we've had a few inches, a bit of light freezing rain, and now some lake-effect snow is falling.

"It's going to snow" is all the local meteorologists had to say to trigger what I call a "French Toast Alert"... meaning to tell everyone to hit the grocery stores for all the bread, milk and eggs they can carry. I came up with the term when we lived in South Carolina, because without fail, these were the first items snatched up when ever the "weather panic" struck.

Of course, the weather panic usually meant a "possible inch of snow", but mostly meant freezing rain. Where they basically don't have snow removal equipment (or very little), this will shut the state down.

The snow is coming down steadier now. Who knows....maybe we'll get what they predicted, and those weather guys can maintain their safe 65% job accuracy ratings...

UPDATE: It's 11:36PM, and at last glance it was still coming down. I was out around 9PM clearing the driveway, and finding the cars, in an attempt to lessen the chance of having the clear it again before I leave for work in the morning. Good freakin' luck.